My first declaration as the resident chrone is to declare Tara Reid to be scary.  First, she has weird-ass stomach bolts.  Sure, the facts may say that it was just jewelry on an invisible wire, but we all know that it’s really a sign that she’s a robot from outer space.

Second, there’s the fact that Tara Reid is ridiculously freaking skinny, which makes her look like she’s about to implode on herself.

And let’s not even talk about her freaky breasts that popped out the other day.  Stay away from me, scary Tara Reid.

There.  How’s that for an obvious declaration to start off my speaking series?  I hope for more interesting speaking to follow.